Single people dream of being married. Married people fantasize about being single. The truth is most of us like the idea of being in a relationship more than the reality of what it takes to make it work. When we look to other people to satisfy our deepest desires, we end up disappointed. Disappointment leads to deprivation, and dissolution follows close at hand. This is not what God intended. Marriage and singleness are both gifts from God that lead to His ultimate objective – GRACE.
Answers and Boundaries
The Corinthian Church put together a list of questions for the great Apostle Paul. Questions like: Is it ok to be single? What about widows remarrying? Are single people more spiritual than married people? Is it better to be celibate? … and so on. Paul spends 6 chapters preaching to them BEFORE he begins to answer any of their sanitized concerns. Quite often, there is a huge difference between the questions we ask and the REAL issues we are dealing with. God is not nearly as concerned about answering our questions as He is in dealing with our issues.
Duty and Grace
Duty – is this the most unromantic sounding word ever? It is interesting that God doesn’t say anything about fulfilling sexual DESIRE. Why? It’s because desire is intended to be a by-product – not a goal. What’s He saying? It’s not about you! Desire can light a fire, but only duty can keep it burning. If you are single, your singleness is a gift from God. If you are married, your marriage is also a gift from God. Both relational positions are A gift, but THE greatest gift is grace. No matter which gift you have, you’re gonna need grace.
The Struggle with Passion
Paul’s conclusion for passion that is not being controlled is to simply get married. Boy, can we really oversimplify some struggles. The Church has two words of instruction for the singles. One is DON’T SETTLE. This is an encouragement to reject compromise and hold out for the right one. The second word is DON’T SIN. The inference here is unmistakable. Don’t give in to the temptation to violate sexual boundaries. But what about THE STRUGGLE?!
The Fire of Passion
The desire inside you is not dirty or defiled – it’s pure. The trouble comes when passion gets displaced. The passion God put in you to help move you to your purpose can cause great pain if it’s not managed correctly.
In verse 9 many Bible translations say, “But if they CANNOT control themselves, they should marry….” A better translation would be, “But if they ARE NOT controlling themselves…” It’s not that you CAN’T control it – it is that You WON’T control it.
When Passion Dies
‘For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness as well as in health, ’til death shall part you…’ These are the vows we take when we get married. They reflect the covenant that has now been entered by the couple. Sadly, the depth of this covenant is not understood by our modern culture. In marriage, two are supposed to become one. So why do so many couples struggle to stay together?
When Passion Becomes Pain
Everything in marriage is designed to promote the dynamic concept of two becoming one. There is no longer a his/her section in your life. It is not easy to merge your life with another. That’s why Paul calls it a “gift.” No room for selfishness here!
Fulfill Your Assignment
The Apostle Paul has taught us that marriage and singleness are both gifts from God that are intended to enhance our lives and move us toward our purpose. In this passage Paul moves us a step further by introducing the concept of marriage being considered as a “call” (special assignment) from God. This is certainly a radical departure for our quick-release culture. We seem to be captivated now-a-days with changing our situation. God wants us to realize that we can’t always change our situation, but we can accept our assignment.
What Is My Assignment
It is so easy to focus on what your mate needs to work on in your relationship. Here’s a thought – You focus on what you’re supposed to be, and let God work on them. God can do more in a split second than you’ve been able to accomplish in years.
Conflicts of Interest
Married or unmarried, relationships are complicated. The juggling act of building healthy relationships with the people we love while maintaining Christ as the focus of our life can become very distressing. It seems that there is an almost built-in conflict of interest as we wrestle with commitments to our spouse, friends, and family, as well as our commitment to God.
Unnecessary Complications
As we all are keenly aware, life is complicated. You can’t always uncomplicate your life, but I want to encourage you to simplify your approach to life. You can be complex without being complicated. What is it that unnecessarily complicates our life?”